01/02/2024
Why Do I Keep Injuring My Left Hip Specifically?
When I was 30 years old I had a great idea. In spite of having never rollerskated in my life (apart from apparently when I was about 3 but I don't remember that so we can consider that it basically didn't happen), I decided I wanted to fulfill my daydream of learning to rollerblade.
Well when you first strap on a pair of skates you feel cemented to the spot. It was horrible.
But in spite of that I perservered and got pretty good. You don't have to fall to learn, but let's be honest, you're going to fall. A lot. And I did. A lot.
But something strange was happening. I seemed to always gravitate towards landing on my left hip. I have never once fallen on my right hip, it's always the left. Every goddamn time.
I have bruised this hip so many times it's not even funny.
In December, I was at the roller rink. I'd been out of action for a couple months because I live in England and it rains constantly and wet ground makes for a truly terrible skating experience. I was finding my feet again, speeding around, doing some sick crossovers, having a great time, and then out of nowhere I slammed the ground. And guess where I landed? On that same damn hip again.
This time was particularly bad though. I smashed the hell out of my hip. For some reason this smooth wooden floor hurt a lot more than the gritty tarmac I usually slam into. My leg spasmed as my nerves frantically worked to react to what the hell they just experienced, and I sat on the floor surrounded by stewards forming a protective barrier from other skaters.
This wasn't just any fall, this was the fall.
I had to go to the emergency treatment centre because I thought there was a genuine risk of hip fracture (there was no fracture).
Anyway I walked it off in spite of the agonising pain.
It was a long recovery period of nearly two months, but as I was feeling better I thought I'd hop on my surfskate and ride to the library.
Life had other plans. Of course, I got tossed off my board within about 10 seconds of leaving the house and landed on my left hip again. I mean seriously, why would this happen? It's like a cruel joke. I have never fallen on my right hip. Ever. I've never even been thrown off my board in this way before, this was an entirely new experience. And it happened whilst I had a pre-existing injury, just to make it even worse.
So, in summary, my left hip is cursed and I must have done something terrible in a past life. I'm not sure what I did, but I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please stop.